October 28, 2008

rocket scientist
I recently took a short vacation with a friend from high school who now works in the entertainment industry. She asked one of her Hollywood producer friends to drive us to the airport. He picked us up in his BMW, threw our bags in the trunk, and off we went. Somewhere in between Sherman Oaks and Century Boulevard, he looked at me in the rearview mirror and asked, “What do you do?”

I said, “I work with orphans in East Africa with a Christian organization.”

He’s driving. His mouth drops open. He looks sidelong at my friend in the passenger seat and then back at me and gapes, “Are you serious? Is she serious?”

My friend giggles. Says yes.

He says, “It’s like the joke when you’re meeting someone for the first time – ‘I’m a rocket scientist. No really. I’m a rocket scientist. Here’s my card see – it says rocket scientist.’”

We all laughed and he went on, “And here we are talking about useless Hollywood b.s….and you…”

I’ve never gotten that kind of reaction before, but I hope it can only point to Jesus. It’s only because of His grace that we live and move and have our beings.

no mascara days
Don’t know why I applied mascara today. It’s gone and run off.

These are no-mascara days.

Most days I’m excited, I’m ready to leave. I tell myself – Janay, you’ve done your grieving. Don’t go there.

But then there are days like these in which I find myself savoring my “last suppers” with all of my friends and family. It was strange watching some of my friends bond over cheesecake last night knowing that I won’t be there to walk alongside them in the near future. I won’t be in their daily lives. I won’t know what’s what and who’s who anymore. Outta the loop.

And who do I leave my best friend with?
And who will be my mother’s daughter
or my father’s girl?
And the “repatriation of remains”?
Why must there be
such an ugly term
in my health insurance paperwork?
And who will sit in my office chair
and laugh with the church staff?

Who will fill the
hole that I am
leaving?

I’m cleaning out my desk. Shredding some files, packing others. Prepping to go.

Gideon’s girl
To Gideon, God appeared. His angel said – The Lord is with you, mighty warrior. (The angel said this to Gideon while he was hiding from his enemies in a winepress. Not exactly acting the part.)

I can totally relate.

God asked Gideon to do something risky and Gideon gave the excuse of being “the least” and “the weakest.” The words from his lips –

“But sir –”
“But Lord – ”

Excuses. Buts.

Then God said –
Go in the strength you have
and save Israel out of Midian’s hand.
Am I not sending you? (Judges 6:14)

The strength I have is next-to-nothing, but I have the Lord. As I go in my next-to-nothing strength, God will supply my lack. For He wants His children saved. These orphans, these beautiful little ones, are His. He will save the children out of the enemy’s hand. Not me.

Is He not sending me?

He is.

Come up
out of this hole
in the ground wine
press, meant for pressing
grapes, not men,
not me, and
go in the Name
of the Lord.

one way tickets
I purchased my first one-way ticket. What a strange experience. No return date? You kidding me? What am I doing?

One way tickets, a sign of life relocation. Your life is not your own, you were bought at a price, therefore glorify God in your bodies… (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

(Though, as many of you know, my best friend is planning on getting married next spring/summer, so I will definitely be back for that!)

November 19 is my official depart date.

... I’ll be serving in East Africa for an initial 3 years.